Thoughts

Boy it's been a while...

I can't remember the last time I wrote something even mildly worth reading...

I've been thinking the past couple weeks about a lot of things. Relationships (and not just the romantic kinds) people, discipleship, education, discipline, worship, priorities...

SO many thoughts, just swimming an swirling.

Most of these thoughts consist of things I'm not doing that I should be, or things I should be better at that I don't do well. Sometimes they consist of things I wish were different... Sometimes of things I hope never change...

In all of it, though, there are a couple themes that seem to commonly reappear. It's as if a voice is saying over and over again, "Keep your eyes on me, keep your priorities straight."

I keep wondering if this all boils down to one thing: Worship.

By worshipping Him, my life will change. By my life changing I will be more like him.

All of this is too much for this time of night, but there are many more thoughts in my brain.

Worship: How do I make it a part of who I am even more so? Not just a part of what I do on Sunday mornings?

Finals avoidance tactics

Newest finals avoidance tactic: Odosketch

Promises to provide hours of sketching fun...

Preach it...

Well, tomorrow is the day...

At 10am I will be preaching in church for the first time ever...

I think I might puke...

I'll let y'all know how it goes...

Side Swiped

This week has been bizarre!!

Less than a week ago I was lamenting over homework and now I couldn't care less about it.

I'm doing my homework, by the way...

It never ceases to amaze me how life can change in an instant. I'm so glad I threw the 5 year plan out the window long ago...

I have been completely side swiped this week and it is so wonderful!

Senioritis

There are about 400 thoughts in my head at this moment that I could write about (I guess that happens when you are an inconsistent blogger... Sean, I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time!) In order to not confuse you with the workings of the labyrinth called my brain I will stick to one: School.

I've never been much of the studious type. I like learning, but I don't like homework. I like the social aspect of school, but again, I don't like homework. I like going to class, just not at 8:00 every day and I like reading... but once again, I really don't like homework.

I understand that it's a great discipline to learn, but really I could do without it... Well... In a perfect world.

You see, I've been battling a terrible case of senioritis. Symptoms: procrastination and avoidance, a serious lack of desire to attend classes, and a "please don't make me read another page" mentality. Not fun...

It all came to a head yesterday morning. I woke up, beat from the weekend, and decided to skip class to spend time with Jesus. Then I spent the entire time asking to help me desire to be a better student. I want to do well, but I don't want to go to school!!

Well, he is a God who answers prayers. I'm not going to go into detail, but he poured out encouragement, blessing, faithfulness, and love on me like I never expected. He reminded me, "this is not just for you, and I have big plans." It was much needed and very good.

Moral of the story - God is a God who hears us, and responds to us.

I still don't want to do my homework, but I've got a renewed perspective on why I go to school. If for no other reason than to bring him glory, I will do it.

I'll try to be better at this whole blogging thing... Just like school...

Not Enough...

Well, this is it. The last day of Summer. It came to an end so quickly, but I feel as if this transition from season to season is unlike any I've ever had.

In a sense, it's like vacation is over and it's now time to focus on more important things in life. I think that recently I've remembered the importance of living for others.

I seem to have vague memories of a time in my life when I did that, but I think I've regressed. I find myself asking the same questions of myself:

"What does a life lived for others look like?"

"How am I not already doing that?"

"What areas do I need to change to live a life that abandons self preservation in favor of others?"

I guess there are two more questions that are more important: First I need to ask "How am I a poor representation of Jesus?" and second I need to take a good, hard, deep, look and ask "Are you willing to hear the answers?" Maybe the second needs to come first...

Jesus, my desire is for you! I know that it means certain death to ask you to come and make me dependent on you, but if death is what it takes, kill every last fiber of me. Make me a woman who is able to say with confidence, "though you slay me, Lord, Still I will follow you."

may by ability no longer be enough to get by on. I need the Holy Spirit and the power of the living God to be my strength. I need you...

Let it be.

August 2nd...

... was a bummer day.

Better luck tomorrow... (I hope)...