Selective transparency. It's my best kept secret. It's the weapon that keeps me safe and guards me against all of the people out there. It keeps everyone at a distance, while all the time making them think that they are on the inner circle. It's the "Great Wall" I have built around my heart to keep out intruders and terrorists who would come and destroy at the first opportunity. With my selective transparency I can justify anything. I can make it appear that I am doing well and that the pressures of life havn't gotten to me. If I need to, I can make it seem like I'm struggling a little. Only enough to curb suspicion though. I continue to build my "Great Wall" and very few people question me. I continue to only give enough information to appease those who need it and in the process have become so ignorant to the fact that my wall isn't so great and that it's crumbling under the weight of denial and ignorance. I believed I could keep everyone out and keep myself safe, but all I've done is trap myself in. I've taught myself to live in fear that someone will blast my wall to pieces, or find a way to climb over it. Rather than frantically try to mend the broken areas and strengthen the weak ones, I think I'll just sit back and watch. Besides I'm sick of being trapped behind this stupid wall!! I feel so exposed with this wall coming down all around me. So, come and see all there is to see as the wall crumbles and I am exposed to the world for who I truly am.
Lord, save me from my enemies. The worst of which is myself.
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