Consider this selective transparency, revisited. As previously mentioned, I recognize in myself the tendancy to be very non-disclosing about some things. Now, please don't hear me say that this is a bad thing. THis is actually a good thing, when approached in a healthy manner. There are things that some people don't need to know, but for myself, it has taken me to a point of disfunction. I believe that for myself (not the "for myself" part) not disclosing certain things with people who I should trust has created a whole other list of tendancies and disfunctions that I'm sure you really don't care to know. The long and the short of it is that I need to be more transparent... and that scares me.
You see, being open with people and letting them see you for who you really are puts you at risk. At least, I believe that it puts me at risk. Again, these percieved risks, when compiled together, make a long list of things not really worth sharing, for the sake of space, but they feel real, just the same. There is something, though, that is pulling me to give more. There is something in me that is longing to tell you. I just want to tell you what I really think, and what I really believe and what I really feel!! There is something in me that wants to strip off the attempts at seeming perfect, and try on the more comfortable, but much less flattering, "real" me.
I imagine it being something like a cardboard box full of jello. after a while the cardboard gets soggy and the jello spills out all over the kitchen table. I guess Jello was never meant to be stored in cardboard in the first place.
If I have to be jello, I want to be the green kind.
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