The Deepest Death : Part II

I'm on spring break right now. It's nice to get away from school and it's great to see my family. It's also given me the opportunity to think about a lot of things that I had just put on the back burners to make room for classes and homework. Since last Friday (the day we left on our 3.5 day drive from Ca. to Tn.) I've had a lot of time to think about the difficulty I've been having at school and the tension there is between living the typical christian life, and living a life that is under the Lordship of Jesus Christ. On the way here to Tennessee I listened to one of the sessions from World Mandate 2007. Heather Mercer brings down the house as she speaks about the contrast between the kingdom of this age and the Kingdom of God. If anyone wants it I will gladly pass it along. In the session, Heather Mercer talks about the temptation to straddle both kingdoms. In an attempt to preach the gospel, we often water it down to make it easer for non believers to swallow. As she puts it, "Jesus becomes this warm and fuzzy kinda guy who doesn't have an absolute standard for our lives."
I've been wrestling with this at school. After living for so long in an environment where I was daily challenged to press into God, I've moved to an environment where I feel totally alone in my pursuit of Jesus (which is ironic, considering that I go to a Christian school) I know that this could be ill informed judgement, but I feel that it would be easier than ever to live my life as if it were just that... as if it were mine. But that isn't the truth! My life is not my own, because the day I went under the water, I died. As I was lifted out, my death to the world, and to myself, was completed. I was resurrected as a daughter, friend, lover and follower of Jesus Christ. In that act of baptism I vowed to forever submit myself to Jesus' rule. Why, then, is it still possible for me to live an apathetic life of comfort?
I think it's because the nature of Jesus is that he holds us with open arms, meaning he won't force us to stay. He has given us our inheritance but how it is spent is left up to us. If I want to play it safe and live a half life with him then I can. I can have the comforts of this world and still take the parts of Jesus that I want. I could go out and squander the grace I've been given by living for myself and proclaiming that Jesus' blood has covered me. I'd be off the hook, right? (I doubt it...) OR I could enter into the life that has been made available to me. The life that requires me to "sell all I have and follow Jesus." The things of this world are so appealing to me and it is so easy to fall into a cycle of apathy! (I've been fighting a losing battle against it since January!) But Jesus came to give life to the fullest. No wonder all attempts at gaining worldly comfort are found wanting. I've submitted myself to Jesus' rule and have seen a glimpse of the Eternal Kingdom of God!! It's folly to think that a kingdom that will pass away will have anything that satisfies.
I'll let you in on a secret (or rather something I wish I could keep secret)
I'm not there yet. If there's anything I've seen over this spring break, it's that although I am dead to my former self, I still think I can function in the ways I used to. Old habits die hard, and despite the pit in my stomach, there are still times when comfort looks appealing, pride digs it's claws in my back, and fear driven perfectionism shackles itself to my feet. As the battle against apathy wages on, my daily decisions decide more than how my life will be lived. There are countless stories throughout history that tell of a single person being the difference between victory and defeat. If one man can be the weight of victory or defeat for the entire world, maybe, if I'm on his side, I can help to bring God's kingdom to the little corner of the universe that I occupy. After all, what's the use of living for a kingdom that is here today and gone tomorrow?
I get so hung up on doing it right that I miss the mark. It's not about following Jesus perfectly, it's about being submitted to his rule. It's not about success, it's about obedience. I get hung up on success, forgetting Paul's words:
"...to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me--to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness" Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2cor. 12:7-10

I guess I've got it backwards...
Lord, will you make me weaker
so that your strength will be evident in me?
-let it be so

ACK!!

School is kicking my brain with a steel toed boot!!!
God, squash my pride before it suffocates me!!

The Deepest Death

I've been reading a daily devotional that is a compilation of good stuff written by Tozer. I came across this tonight:

"It is not enough the we are willing and eager to work for God, but the work itself must be of God. ... This is one of the deepest deaths that Christians are often called to die. Indeed, our work is unacceptable to God and useless to ourselves and others until it has first been bathed in the blood of Calvary and touched with the sign of crucifixion. It must cease to be our work and thus become His, and His alone.
-A.W. Tozer

Lord, may my actions and works be only yours. I only want to do things that bear the mark of your sacrifice. I only want to live a life that is fully submitted to you.

What Is Part I: Faith

Caleb has been asking some great thought provoking questions. Thanks Caleb, for letting me get in on the conversation. There's more to come, by the way. Stay tuned for parts two, three and four. With that said, Here are my thoughts on faith:
I think a good starting description, or definition, is in the book of Hebrews. It says, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen (Heb 11:1 NASB) How much more clear could it be!! But there's one problem. My little pea brain can't always process that concept, so I cry out "Lord, help me to know!! Help me to understand! I don't know if I can trust you!!" But if I would just read a little closer I'd see that that's sorta the point.
Romans 8:24 says "For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees?" Of course!! How could I surrender to God if I knew everything about Him? How could I surrender to God if he revealed all of His mysteries to me? How could I trust God if I knew all of His intentions? If God were to reveal all of His plans and purposes to me I'd know what He knows and I wouldn't need him!
And, I don't know... but, I hope that Christ really did conquer death, and although I've never physically seen Him, faith is my assurance that Christ really did conquer death. It is the foundation of my conviction that God really does exist.
So, I guess that's it for now... Good topic though. Definitely worth mulling over for a bit.