It seems like everyone is talking about it... or doing it...
It seems like everywhere I turn there's a blog, a book, a conversation or speculation about marriage... That's right: Marriage.
So, all of this marriage talk (and the fact that I know a dozen or more couples tying the knot this summer) has gotten me thinking...
When I was in high school and early college marriage was this big deal thing. Mostly because getting married meant one huge thing: Sex. A lot of people I knew were already having sex, so for them it was no big deal, but for the ones who waited it was a very big deal... To the point that that's where the wedding day ended. If you had asked me at 19 years old where a wedding day ends I would have said "the bedroom"
So, now I'm older and a lot of my friends are getting married. I'm so excited for all of them! But, all of this marriage and wedding stuff has made me start thinking again. I don't know when it was - Maybe a couple months ago - but I was thinking about weddings and I had this thought: What happens after the wedding night?
Now, before you think I'm a complete idiot, let me reassure you, I know what happens... The point, though, is that the "wedding night" had become so engrained as the pinnacle of marriage that It had never crossed my mind to think into the day after the wedding, let alone the month, or decade... SCARY STUFF!!!
So this is what I've been thinking - not about wedding ceremonies or the wedding night - I've been thinking about marriage.
As I began to think past the wedding night I also began to think about the struggles of life together - Learning together, submitting to one another - arguing - apologizing - Cooking dinner and doing laundry - raising children... (Seriously, this list could go on for pages.) I began to think of the qualities of a good husband: a protector and provider, a support and encourager, a man who is willing to lay down his life for the good of his wife and children, someone to help guide me and rebuke me if I need it... and most importantly, a man who is willing to give anything and everything for the sake of following Jesus and making the Gospel known to the nations...
At some point it dawned on me: Those are the things that God is for me already.
God is my protector, my provider and my supporting encourager. He is willing to lay down his life, in fact, he already has. He guides me and rebukes me and his greatest desire is that everyone would hear the Gospel. And to top it all off, He is wildly in love with me.
I wonder, what would my life look like if I focused less on a "wedding night" experience with God and more on a "marriage life" with Him...
Song of Songs 4: 6-16
The sweet, fragrant curves of your body, the soft, spiced contours of your flesh
Invite me, and I come. I stay until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.
You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.
Come with me from Lebanon, my bride.
Leave Lebanon behind, and come.
Leave your high mountain hideaway.
Abandon your wilderness seclusion, where you keep company with lions and panthers guard your safety.
You've captured my heart, dear friend.
You looked at me, and I fell in love.
One look my way and I was hopelessly in love!
How beautiful your love, dear, dear friend—
far more pleasing than a fine, rare wine, your fragrance more exotic than select spices.
The kisses of your lips are honey, my love, every syllable you speak a delicacy to savor.
Your clothes smell like the wild outdoors, the ozone scent of high mountains.
Dear lover and friend, you're a secret garden, a private and pure fountain.
Body and soul, you are paradise, a whole orchard of succulent fruits—
Ripe apricots and peaches, oranges and pears;
Nut trees and cinnamon, and all scented woods;
Mint and lavender, and all herbs aromatic;
A garden fountain, sparkling and splashing, fed by spring waters from the Lebanon mountains.
(The Woman)
Wake up, North Wind,
get moving, South Wind!
Breathe on my garden,
fill the air with spice fragrance.
Oh, let my lover enter his garden!
Yes, let him eat the fine, ripe fruits.
...How Beautiful.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Exciting Discoveries!!
So, sometime last week I went to pick up my bike from the house I used to live at. It had been sitting for a while. I was at school and didn't have anywhere covered to store it and one of the gals living there had been using it... but then it got a flat... and then it just sat there... with one sad flat tire accumulating dust.
That made me sad.
But then I moved and had plenty of places to store it so I went and got it...
Last night Julie helped me change the tube and tune it up a bit (She's absolutely amazing... She even fed me Lasagna!) And today was a nearly perfect day... So I went riding.
It was AMAZING!! Let me just tell you how incredibly perfect it was. First, I live right across the street from a really pretty well kept preserve that has trails. They're pretty easy and just plain beautiful so I started there. The trails lead to all sorts of places so I figured I'd just explore.
I stopped at the little pond for a few minutes and said "hi" to the little bird friends that live there. Ducks, Geese, Some little loon-ish looking birds, red-winged black birds, killdeer, and I also saw an egret. It was great.
I followed the trail and it forked off so I took the right fork and ended up at another entrance to the preserve. I rode down that road and came to Airport Rd. One of the bigger roads in town (Although there's not a whole lot on it.) I knew that if I turned right I could do a full circle and some more exploring, so I did! That's when I made another amazing discovery!! There's a little privately owned burrito store in town and taking the way I did it's only about a 10 minute ride from the house... They have the best Salsa Verde in town... I'm stoked about that.
I kept riding and passed all sorts of things. Jose's diner, Risen King's current church offices, Dutch Bros. and some houses.
Then I stopped to feed a horse some grass, rode around in some neighborhoods (I actually took a street I wasn't familiar with and got lost) and then I had made it full circle so I decided to check out the other trails in the preserve before I rode my little self home.
The weather was perfect and the scenery was green and beautiful... I thought about a lot of stuff because it was quiet and I was alone...
Altogether it was an amazing Saturday...
I'm sure there will be more cycling adventure stories to come!!
That made me sad.
But then I moved and had plenty of places to store it so I went and got it...
Last night Julie helped me change the tube and tune it up a bit (She's absolutely amazing... She even fed me Lasagna!) And today was a nearly perfect day... So I went riding.
It was AMAZING!! Let me just tell you how incredibly perfect it was. First, I live right across the street from a really pretty well kept preserve that has trails. They're pretty easy and just plain beautiful so I started there. The trails lead to all sorts of places so I figured I'd just explore.
I stopped at the little pond for a few minutes and said "hi" to the little bird friends that live there. Ducks, Geese, Some little loon-ish looking birds, red-winged black birds, killdeer, and I also saw an egret. It was great.
I followed the trail and it forked off so I took the right fork and ended up at another entrance to the preserve. I rode down that road and came to Airport Rd. One of the bigger roads in town (Although there's not a whole lot on it.) I knew that if I turned right I could do a full circle and some more exploring, so I did! That's when I made another amazing discovery!! There's a little privately owned burrito store in town and taking the way I did it's only about a 10 minute ride from the house... They have the best Salsa Verde in town... I'm stoked about that.
I kept riding and passed all sorts of things. Jose's diner, Risen King's current church offices, Dutch Bros. and some houses.
Then I stopped to feed a horse some grass, rode around in some neighborhoods (I actually took a street I wasn't familiar with and got lost) and then I had made it full circle so I decided to check out the other trails in the preserve before I rode my little self home.
The weather was perfect and the scenery was green and beautiful... I thought about a lot of stuff because it was quiet and I was alone...
Altogether it was an amazing Saturday...
I'm sure there will be more cycling adventure stories to come!!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Hymns
I've been listening to Hymns lately. I know a lot of people don't like them, but if you listen to the words you will quickly see that they are rich with praise, adoration and theology!! I admit, without shame, that I LOVE HYMNS!!!
Here's the latest favorite. Fernando Ortega does it really well.
Seriously... if you don't listen to hymns you should... You'll be rocked...
O Sacred Head Now Wounded
O sacred Head, now wounded, with grief and shame weighed down,
Now scornfully surrounded with thorns, Thine only crown;
How pale thou art with anguish, with sore abuse and scorn!
How doth Thy visage languish that once was bright as morn!
What Thou, my Lord, hast suffered, was all for sinners’ gain;
Mine, mine was the transgression, but Thine the deadly pain.
Lo, here I fall, my Savior! ’Tis I deserve Thy place;
Look on me with Thy favor, vouchsafe to me Thy grace.
What language shall I borrow to thank Thee, dearest friend,
For this Thy dying sorrow, Thy pity without end?
O make me Thine forever, and should I fainting be,
Lord, let me never, never outlive my love to Thee.
Here's the latest favorite. Fernando Ortega does it really well.
Seriously... if you don't listen to hymns you should... You'll be rocked...
O Sacred Head Now Wounded
O sacred Head, now wounded, with grief and shame weighed down,
Now scornfully surrounded with thorns, Thine only crown;
How pale thou art with anguish, with sore abuse and scorn!
How doth Thy visage languish that once was bright as morn!
What Thou, my Lord, hast suffered, was all for sinners’ gain;
Mine, mine was the transgression, but Thine the deadly pain.
Lo, here I fall, my Savior! ’Tis I deserve Thy place;
Look on me with Thy favor, vouchsafe to me Thy grace.
What language shall I borrow to thank Thee, dearest friend,
For this Thy dying sorrow, Thy pity without end?
O make me Thine forever, and should I fainting be,
Lord, let me never, never outlive my love to Thee.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
Just some thoughts...
Well, it was bound to happen at some point. Thoughts have been brewing. (Most likely it's because I have been slacking on school work and therefore have extra time to think about something other than the contents of my educational experience.)
I went back a couple days ago and read what I had written after coming back from world mandate and I realized how easy it is to forget the things that God does. I had remembered the big points. I remember that I want to intentionally build relationships. I remembered that there really is so much more to following Jesus than my little life... I'm a drop in a bucket; a grain of sand on the ocean shore... Those things I remember with ease. It's the uncomfortable things that are easier to forget.
It's easy to forget that I've asked God to take control. It's easy to forget that I deeply want him to. It's easier to forget that I have to participate with him - that I can't just sit back and expect him to do everything.
It makes me think of how important it was for the Israelites to remember. "remember that you were slaves in Egypt..." "Remember the commands that moses gave you..." "Remember the wonders he has done..." "Remember to extol his work..." "Remember to obey his precepts..." "Remember the wonders He has done..."
If I'm anything like the Israelites (sinful, ungrateful, selfish... human) and I am, then this should be my mantra right?
Remember, remember.... (slightly reminiscent of The Lion King, isn't it?)
Just something to work toward I guess...
There's other stuff rolling around in there, but none of it is really formulated enough to write about...
So that concludes this evening's purging of thoughts... I'm sure there will be more to come!
I went back a couple days ago and read what I had written after coming back from world mandate and I realized how easy it is to forget the things that God does. I had remembered the big points. I remember that I want to intentionally build relationships. I remembered that there really is so much more to following Jesus than my little life... I'm a drop in a bucket; a grain of sand on the ocean shore... Those things I remember with ease. It's the uncomfortable things that are easier to forget.
It's easy to forget that I've asked God to take control. It's easy to forget that I deeply want him to. It's easier to forget that I have to participate with him - that I can't just sit back and expect him to do everything.
It makes me think of how important it was for the Israelites to remember. "remember that you were slaves in Egypt..." "Remember the commands that moses gave you..." "Remember the wonders he has done..." "Remember to extol his work..." "Remember to obey his precepts..." "Remember the wonders He has done..."
If I'm anything like the Israelites (sinful, ungrateful, selfish... human) and I am, then this should be my mantra right?
Remember, remember.... (slightly reminiscent of The Lion King, isn't it?)
Just something to work toward I guess...
There's other stuff rolling around in there, but none of it is really formulated enough to write about...
So that concludes this evening's purging of thoughts... I'm sure there will be more to come!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
World Mandate '09
Well it's been about a week and I'm sure the couple of you who actually read this are wondering when I'm going to write something about World Mandate. This is what you've been waiting for:
First of all, it was incredible!! When we went I wasn't really thinking that God would do anything huge in me, but in the same light I expected him to do something. I think that he was very intentional in providing a way for me to go. It was an incredible blessing to get away for a few days.
Anyway, we left from Sacramento on Thursday and spent about 26 hours in various airports around the country... well, three. It was quite the adventure. We eventually met up with some friends in Dallas and all drove to Waco together. It was so nice to see our friends who planted a church in Santa Cruz a couple years ago. My best friend, Alana, was there and that was enough to make my whole weekend.
When we got to Waco we headed straight to the conference. The first session was good. The most amazing part was worship. The church that puts on this conference every year has the most incredible worship team I've ever heard. They are SO good! We learned a couple new songs and then listened to the speaker share an amazing story of how God brought him through a broken marriage and then to Lebanon as a missionary. It was crazy! Good stuff!!!
Saturday morning was amazing... but I was way too grumpy to enjoy it. Actually, I was really grumpy almost all of Saturday. I don't know what my problem was... I was being a jerk, and trying really hard not to. Natalie and I skipped one of the break out sessions and hung out at the little coffee shop on the edge of Baylor's campus. Then we went to one of the breakout sessions and then to dinner before the last session. At one point I was talking to Linda and Alana about how I really wanted to get prayer. Not that I felt I needed it for anything specific, but I had come all the way to Texas!! I figured I might as well take advantage of it. Well, I don't know which sessions they all happened, but there were a lot of things that hit me on Saturday. First was the idea that there are three perversions of truth that people frequently believe: "not me, not at this time and not this group of people." That really stuck with my. I realized as his speaker was talking about these perversions that I regularly believe all of those to be true. It's hard to believe that God wants to use me, and to believe that he's not waiting for me to be more mature or holy before he uses me. It's also hard to believe that he can use someone as incompetent as me to minister on a christian campus where everyone (almost everyone) already knows Jesus. I think this was the morning session so I had a lot of time to think about these three things throughout the day.
I realized some things about myself: I am easily confused and easily discouraged and I left California to go to Texas both confused about how God wanted to use me, and whether or not he even wanted to and discouraged that I had been at Simpson for a year and not had much opportunity to intentionally pursue intimate relationships with people.
I was frustrated! And my terrible mood was evidence of that.
So, the Saturday night session starts and I was SO on edge (and that is so unlike me!) Worship was good and the speaker was great. He said something that really struck me as interesting - "The truth is, you've got to be called to stay because the call to go has already been clearly made in the great commission." I'd never thought about that... I know for now I'm called to stay here. When I was coming back from China a couple Summers ago God told me I'd be staying in the states for a while... but that's a different story - So, the speaker told everyone that they are called somewhere and that without the empowerment of the Holy spirit we cannot truly bring the Kingdom to the places we go, so he called everyone who had a place in mind and wanted prayer to be anointed with the power of the Holy Spirit to come forward. Basically everyone went forward, including myself. Honestly it was pretty uneventful. I was disappointed that I didn't start speaking in tongues and prophesying over people, but that's not what God was doing. I sang for a little while down on the ground level and then went back to the stands where everyone else was, and who should be waiting but Alana and Linda. Linda asked if I went and got prayer. People had prayed for me, but it was fairly impersonal and general. I said that I had kinda been prayed for and then sat down... They totally saw through my cover-up.
Both Alana and Linda harassed me until I went up again, but this time they both offered to go. Linda had an old friend who was working at the conference so we tracked him down through the sea of people and she asked if he would pray for me. Esteven introduced himself and I was immediately at ease. He has this uber fatherly-ness that just leaks out of him all over the place and it was so comforting. He prayed for me and it was all dead on. I didn't say anything to him and he prayed against confusion and discouragement. He prayed that I would believe the things that God says and he prayed that I would be able to trust God with those little things (which is another difficult area for me... I'm pretty independent and I've been let down by people a lot so trusting God is really difficult sometimes.) Well, all I can say is that it was amazing.
The speaker that night had also talked briefly about Isaiah 43. It was the other thing that had caught my attention. Earlier in the night I write it down so I could go back to it. not knowing anything, Esteven prayed that I would know Isaiah 43 deep inside, and believe it. i re-read it later and it's perfect.
The whole weekend was perfect. It's hard to get back into the swing of homework and work but it was such a good weekend. There were a lot of good things to take away from everything we heard and saw. I was such a precious time with friends and such a great weekend to be reminded that not everyone in America is apathetic. I don't have to be apathetic to reach people in the states for Jesus.
There is still a lot to process, but the most tangible thing I felt I needed to continue to pursue, with fervency, is relationship with people. I know a lot of people, but I don't know very many of them intimately. I plan to spend this year developing intimate relationships with people. As a result I plan on being even more intentional about pursuing quality time with people I love and people I want to be better friends with.
My heart aches to see people draw closer to Jesus... He is so desperately IN LOVE with creation. I long so deeply to know how I can better convey that deep, longing kind of love that He has for His precious creation, for His bride. I want to love creation and love the Bride the way that he loves them. I want to ache over them, and cry over them. Mourn over losses and rejoice in even the smallest victories.
There is so much to work toward in this pursuit, but He is worth it and there is no greater joy than to serve Him by loving the people he made with thought and care.
I'm excited for this new year. I think it's going to be a good one.
Oh The Passion of Your Heart
Oh the passion of your heart, your abandoned pursuit of me
Oh the risks that you took to love someone like me
That risk has set my soul free
Your desire for me is overwhelming, it consumes your every thought
Oh the joy that you feel when our hearts touch! The joy of when we touch!
You desire to draw me so close to you, you desire to have me all to yourself
You tenderly call out my name, beckoning me to come nearer
You romance me with purity and sweet wine poured into a cup of communion
We dance and spin all around the universe
Your rage is aroused in my enemies, you defend me with arms full of strength
Your gentleness toward me is ever present, your care for me ever living
You're so eager to disclose all the secrets of your heart, to show yourself unrestrained, fully given to me
Your goodness is a placid stream, a blanket wrapped around me
Your faithfulness is the sure song of sunrise, and your promises are structures already formed
Ever deepening is the vastness of your great love, you allure me with soft array
Ever present is the pulse of your affections Your smile is gleaming with excitement to show me even more
- Enter the Worship Circle: Third Circle: Track 17
First of all, it was incredible!! When we went I wasn't really thinking that God would do anything huge in me, but in the same light I expected him to do something. I think that he was very intentional in providing a way for me to go. It was an incredible blessing to get away for a few days.
Anyway, we left from Sacramento on Thursday and spent about 26 hours in various airports around the country... well, three. It was quite the adventure. We eventually met up with some friends in Dallas and all drove to Waco together. It was so nice to see our friends who planted a church in Santa Cruz a couple years ago. My best friend, Alana, was there and that was enough to make my whole weekend.
When we got to Waco we headed straight to the conference. The first session was good. The most amazing part was worship. The church that puts on this conference every year has the most incredible worship team I've ever heard. They are SO good! We learned a couple new songs and then listened to the speaker share an amazing story of how God brought him through a broken marriage and then to Lebanon as a missionary. It was crazy! Good stuff!!!
Saturday morning was amazing... but I was way too grumpy to enjoy it. Actually, I was really grumpy almost all of Saturday. I don't know what my problem was... I was being a jerk, and trying really hard not to. Natalie and I skipped one of the break out sessions and hung out at the little coffee shop on the edge of Baylor's campus. Then we went to one of the breakout sessions and then to dinner before the last session. At one point I was talking to Linda and Alana about how I really wanted to get prayer. Not that I felt I needed it for anything specific, but I had come all the way to Texas!! I figured I might as well take advantage of it. Well, I don't know which sessions they all happened, but there were a lot of things that hit me on Saturday. First was the idea that there are three perversions of truth that people frequently believe: "not me, not at this time and not this group of people." That really stuck with my. I realized as his speaker was talking about these perversions that I regularly believe all of those to be true. It's hard to believe that God wants to use me, and to believe that he's not waiting for me to be more mature or holy before he uses me. It's also hard to believe that he can use someone as incompetent as me to minister on a christian campus where everyone (almost everyone) already knows Jesus. I think this was the morning session so I had a lot of time to think about these three things throughout the day.
I realized some things about myself: I am easily confused and easily discouraged and I left California to go to Texas both confused about how God wanted to use me, and whether or not he even wanted to and discouraged that I had been at Simpson for a year and not had much opportunity to intentionally pursue intimate relationships with people.
I was frustrated! And my terrible mood was evidence of that.
So, the Saturday night session starts and I was SO on edge (and that is so unlike me!) Worship was good and the speaker was great. He said something that really struck me as interesting - "The truth is, you've got to be called to stay because the call to go has already been clearly made in the great commission." I'd never thought about that... I know for now I'm called to stay here. When I was coming back from China a couple Summers ago God told me I'd be staying in the states for a while... but that's a different story - So, the speaker told everyone that they are called somewhere and that without the empowerment of the Holy spirit we cannot truly bring the Kingdom to the places we go, so he called everyone who had a place in mind and wanted prayer to be anointed with the power of the Holy Spirit to come forward. Basically everyone went forward, including myself. Honestly it was pretty uneventful. I was disappointed that I didn't start speaking in tongues and prophesying over people, but that's not what God was doing. I sang for a little while down on the ground level and then went back to the stands where everyone else was, and who should be waiting but Alana and Linda. Linda asked if I went and got prayer. People had prayed for me, but it was fairly impersonal and general. I said that I had kinda been prayed for and then sat down... They totally saw through my cover-up.
Both Alana and Linda harassed me until I went up again, but this time they both offered to go. Linda had an old friend who was working at the conference so we tracked him down through the sea of people and she asked if he would pray for me. Esteven introduced himself and I was immediately at ease. He has this uber fatherly-ness that just leaks out of him all over the place and it was so comforting. He prayed for me and it was all dead on. I didn't say anything to him and he prayed against confusion and discouragement. He prayed that I would believe the things that God says and he prayed that I would be able to trust God with those little things (which is another difficult area for me... I'm pretty independent and I've been let down by people a lot so trusting God is really difficult sometimes.) Well, all I can say is that it was amazing.
The speaker that night had also talked briefly about Isaiah 43. It was the other thing that had caught my attention. Earlier in the night I write it down so I could go back to it. not knowing anything, Esteven prayed that I would know Isaiah 43 deep inside, and believe it. i re-read it later and it's perfect.
The whole weekend was perfect. It's hard to get back into the swing of homework and work but it was such a good weekend. There were a lot of good things to take away from everything we heard and saw. I was such a precious time with friends and such a great weekend to be reminded that not everyone in America is apathetic. I don't have to be apathetic to reach people in the states for Jesus.
There is still a lot to process, but the most tangible thing I felt I needed to continue to pursue, with fervency, is relationship with people. I know a lot of people, but I don't know very many of them intimately. I plan to spend this year developing intimate relationships with people. As a result I plan on being even more intentional about pursuing quality time with people I love and people I want to be better friends with.
My heart aches to see people draw closer to Jesus... He is so desperately IN LOVE with creation. I long so deeply to know how I can better convey that deep, longing kind of love that He has for His precious creation, for His bride. I want to love creation and love the Bride the way that he loves them. I want to ache over them, and cry over them. Mourn over losses and rejoice in even the smallest victories.
There is so much to work toward in this pursuit, but He is worth it and there is no greater joy than to serve Him by loving the people he made with thought and care.
I'm excited for this new year. I think it's going to be a good one.
Oh The Passion of Your Heart
Oh the passion of your heart, your abandoned pursuit of me
Oh the risks that you took to love someone like me
That risk has set my soul free
Your desire for me is overwhelming, it consumes your every thought
Oh the joy that you feel when our hearts touch! The joy of when we touch!
You desire to draw me so close to you, you desire to have me all to yourself
You tenderly call out my name, beckoning me to come nearer
You romance me with purity and sweet wine poured into a cup of communion
We dance and spin all around the universe
Your rage is aroused in my enemies, you defend me with arms full of strength
Your gentleness toward me is ever present, your care for me ever living
You're so eager to disclose all the secrets of your heart, to show yourself unrestrained, fully given to me
Your goodness is a placid stream, a blanket wrapped around me
Your faithfulness is the sure song of sunrise, and your promises are structures already formed
Ever deepening is the vastness of your great love, you allure me with soft array
Ever present is the pulse of your affections Your smile is gleaming with excitement to show me even more
- Enter the Worship Circle: Third Circle: Track 17
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Dear God,
I ask that you will guide and protect our new president. Would you fill him with wisdom and strength to lead our country well? Give him support and encouragement in his times of need, and rally around him supportive people who will help him. Silence the tongues of those who cut him down. God, help him to have a thick skin and a discerning heart. I also pray for his wife and daughters. God, I ask that you would grow their love for one another over the next four, possibly eight, years.
Be his light and his guide.
Amen
I ask that you will guide and protect our new president. Would you fill him with wisdom and strength to lead our country well? Give him support and encouragement in his times of need, and rally around him supportive people who will help him. Silence the tongues of those who cut him down. God, help him to have a thick skin and a discerning heart. I also pray for his wife and daughters. God, I ask that you would grow their love for one another over the next four, possibly eight, years.
Be his light and his guide.
Amen
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