I'm on spring break right now. It's nice to get away from school and it's great to see my family. It's also given me the opportunity to think about a lot of things that I had just put on the back burners to make room for classes and homework. Since last Friday (the day we left on our 3.5 day drive from Ca. to Tn.) I've had a lot of time to think about the difficulty I've been having at school and the tension there is between living the typical christian life, and living a life that is under the Lordship of Jesus Christ. On the way here to Tennessee I listened to one of the sessions from World Mandate 2007. Heather Mercer brings down the house as she speaks about the contrast between the kingdom of this age and the Kingdom of God. If anyone wants it I will gladly pass it along. In the session, Heather Mercer talks about the temptation to straddle both kingdoms. In an attempt to preach the gospel, we often water it down to make it easer for non believers to swallow. As she puts it, "Jesus becomes this warm and fuzzy kinda guy who doesn't have an absolute standard for our lives."
I've been wrestling with this at school. After living for so long in an environment where I was daily challenged to press into God, I've moved to an environment where I feel totally alone in my pursuit of Jesus (which is ironic, considering that I go to a Christian school) I know that this could be ill informed judgement, but I feel that it would be easier than ever to live my life as if it were just that... as if it were mine. But that isn't the truth! My life is not my own, because the day I went under the water, I died. As I was lifted out, my death to the world, and to myself, was completed. I was resurrected as a daughter, friend, lover and follower of Jesus Christ. In that act of baptism I vowed to forever submit myself to Jesus' rule. Why, then, is it still possible for me to live an apathetic life of comfort?
I think it's because the nature of Jesus is that he holds us with open arms, meaning he won't force us to stay. He has given us our inheritance but how it is spent is left up to us. If I want to play it safe and live a half life with him then I can. I can have the comforts of this world and still take the parts of Jesus that I want. I could go out and squander the grace I've been given by living for myself and proclaiming that Jesus' blood has covered me. I'd be off the hook, right? (I doubt it...) OR I could enter into the life that has been made available to me. The life that requires me to "sell all I have and follow Jesus." The things of this world are so appealing to me and it is so easy to fall into a cycle of apathy! (I've been fighting a losing battle against it since January!) But Jesus came to give life to the fullest. No wonder all attempts at gaining worldly comfort are found wanting. I've submitted myself to Jesus' rule and have seen a glimpse of the Eternal Kingdom of God!! It's folly to think that a kingdom that will pass away will have anything that satisfies.
I'll let you in on a secret (or rather something I wish I could keep secret)
I'm not there yet. If there's anything I've seen over this spring break, it's that although I am dead to my former self, I still think I can function in the ways I used to. Old habits die hard, and despite the pit in my stomach, there are still times when comfort looks appealing, pride digs it's claws in my back, and fear driven perfectionism shackles itself to my feet. As the battle against apathy wages on, my daily decisions decide more than how my life will be lived. There are countless stories throughout history that tell of a single person being the difference between victory and defeat. If one man can be the weight of victory or defeat for the entire world, maybe, if I'm on his side, I can help to bring God's kingdom to the little corner of the universe that I occupy. After all, what's the use of living for a kingdom that is here today and gone tomorrow?
I get so hung up on doing it right that I miss the mark. It's not about following Jesus perfectly, it's about being submitted to his rule. It's not about success, it's about obedience. I get hung up on success, forgetting Paul's words:
"...to keep me from exalting myself, there was given me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me--to keep me from exalting myself! Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness" Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong. 2cor. 12:7-10
I guess I've got it backwards...
Lord, will you make me weaker
so that your strength will be evident in me?
-let it be so
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6 comments:
Go girl!!
I'm so glad that you challenge yourself in all of these things. It's good to be surrounded by people that hold each other accountable and keep each other sharp while simply pouring out love on us just like Jesus did....still does. I find it so easy to just slip into those popular things sometimes, I'm so glad that you are remembering where your focus should be. Well done.
OK so I see where some of Caleb's really challenging questions that he left on my blog are also being raised. I think that the challenge you are discussing here is so crucial to your life as a Christian, though to watch much of the church you'd never guess it.
Not that I want to diss the church, but so much of what you raise here is found in Tozer's writing. That challenge to walk closely to God regardless of what the world says or does.
As Paul said in Phillipians 3: 10-11 "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his suffering, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead."
Much of what is currently written today in Christian literature seems to focus on finding comfort here and now and, as you say, watering Jesus down till he doesn't offend anyone.
So I agree with Sean, You go girl!
Jessica, you can simply reply here and I'll come back and respond. I'm busy right at the moment so I'll come back in a bit and leave an answer to the question you left on my blog.
hi jessica -
greetings from a fellow recovering perfectionist! i found you via caleb's blog.
death to self & my desires is something i'm learning day by day also, so this post of yours definitely resonates with me. this piece that you wrote really grabbed me: "It's not about following Jesus perfectly, it's about being submitted to his rule. It's not about success, it's about obedience."
amen, & amen!!
blessings & peace,
*kirsten
We are so blessed my friend! I jsut wanted you to know that you have been a great help in my walk with God. Thanks for your wisdom, humor, swift kicks in the butt and solid friendship.
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