2:00 am

Yes, the title is true. It's 2:00 in the morning on Thursday, April 17th and I am wide awake. It seems that this is becoming the trend. I know what you're probably thinking: "Of course Jessica's going to be awake at 2:00am. All college students are awake at 2:00am!" Well, let me start by saying that this is not normal sleep behavior for me, nor is it pleasant. I figure though, the less I sleep the more I could read, or pray... or invent things!!
I haven't read anything but text books and the bible, and I haven't prayed a ton. I haven't invented anything, but I have been thinking.
About what, you ask? Oh, well lots of things:
Identity, intimacy, discipleship, Worship, beneficial vs. Permissible, ministry, solitude, nature.
for a while there I was on the verge of a panic attack, but I'm feeling much better now. Here's some of what I came up with:
Identity: I know my identity. That is a work that Christ has already done in me and it is foolish to doubt something that is so founded. In doubting what I believe about who God had made me, I nullify the healing works that Christ has already accomplished. That doesn't mean that he will not reveal more of myself to me, but that who He has told me I am is truly who I am. Beautiful, creative, unique, powerful, strong, gentle, tender, loving, gifted and anointed (to name a few!)
Intimacy: The intimacy that we have with others in the world if vastly different from the intimacy that we have with others who contain within them the Holy Spirit. Deep calls to deep and the Spirit cultivates intimacy. With this I (we?) must be cautious. Intimacy binds hearts together and that bond it deeper where the spirit is involved. Intimacy is sacred.
Discipleship: Sean says it pretty good (click here!!) Discipleship is KEY in the growth and health of body of Christ
Worship: I'm leading worship for church on Sunday and I'm scared, but it's not about me. Holy spirit, I ask you to come and make yourself known. I ask that you would take center stage and that my heart would be purged of self-affirmation in this area. Help me to be a humble leader.
Beneficial Vs. Permissible: I'm allowed to do anything I want, but not everything will benefit my walk and my life with Jesus. Why am I not moving in a direction that seeks to uncover the permissible and replace it with the beneficial?? Note-to-self: This is something to really work on
Ministry: It's who you are, not what you do
Solitude: I need to fight for this. Solitude has easily been overrun by social time and homework. Yet another thing to work on
Nature: God is the ultimate creator and the beauty of his creation is astounding. Little fishes, tiny hummingbirds, flowers, trees and mountains... They all point back to Him. Even the simplest blade of grass is intricately woven to exact specifications... Evolution?? I beg to differ...

Anyway, that's some of what's been on my mind these past few weeks. Now maybe I'll be able to sleep...