A Year Is Really Short

I was reading over some old blogs tonight. I had a thought at one point that it would be great to go back and read over the past year's writings. I know this year has been huge, but there's something about reading old stuff...
When I started blogging, a lot of it was because I hated sharing myself. I felt like God was prompting me to put myself out there for anyone to see, and it was so incredibly hard. It's been a deep internal struggle getting to the point where I can pour out my heart (within reason) and not care who reads it. I may have offended some of you, and for that I sincerely apologize. Some of you might be encouraged, and for that I praise God. Some of you might think I'm nuts.... and I don't really know what to say to that...
Anyway, I was reading one of the first blogs I wrote. I remember the season I was in with better clarity after looking back and seeing where God has taken me from. God was teaching me to let go. Let go of my insecurity, my doubt, my perfectionism. I think the past year can be summed up in this:

…Listen carefully: Unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground, dead to the world, it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you’ll have it forever, real and eternal…
Right now I am storm-tossed. And what am I going to say? “Father get me out of this”? NO! This is why I came in the first place. I’ll say, Father, put your glory on display.
-John12:24-25 & 27-28

I read this and started to cry. These words still resonate with me, but it looks different now. I'm still trying to die to the world, and I still want God's glory to be put on display in me, but at the same time I am worlds away from the person I was less than a year ago. I find it fascinating that I can come so far with this goal, and yet have so incredibly far to go.

"anyone who holds on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal... Father, put your glory on display."

I have no clue what it looks like for the next season, but I think things are brewing. The past couple months have been pretty mellow in comparison to the past few years, but I think it's only in preparation for what's to come.

Papa, I'm ready, and I want all you have for me. I'm so thankful for this restful time you've given me, but I'm ready for vacation to be over. Use me to bring your kingdom to the places that I occupy. Put your glory on display and teach me more of what it means to follow you.