Monday, July 28, 2008

Free Indeed : A Year in Retrospect

It's been about a year since I started blogging regularly. Not that this blog has become anything profound that hundreds and thousands of people read... It's not creating a movement... In fact, it might not really make an impact at all. I'm ok with that though. That's not what it was intended for anyway
I was reading a post from last July. God really has done a lot in me. Sometimes I barely recognize myself... yet at the same time, I am more comfortable in my skin than I've ever been. He is so gracious to free us from strongholds and oppressions, if we'll just relinquish control and let him fix us. There's a part in The Shack where the main character, Mack, is talking to God and God says something like "it's hard to save someone who won't let you save them." It's really a wonderful story. I can't believe that I spent so much of my life trying to figure it out on my own. I still have a hard time being completely dependent on God... But I want to depend on him, and that's a years worth of God working in me that won't go wasted. He's so caring.
This time last year I was a broken, scared little girl... like a hurt dog that cowers in a corner, ready to bite the first hand that comes close enough... Even a helpful one. I had barricaded my heart in this little numb shell and God, in his mercy and love for me, decided to chip away my calloused exterior. It was severely painful at first. I felt so naked. It was as if everyone could see who I really was for the first time, and I knew it wasn't pretty. He really has done quite a work and I know it's not over. I get to spend the rest of my life hand in hand with a King who loves me more that there are words for. Who wouldn't want to do that!!
It's been such a full year! I can't imagine that life would get any more fulfilling!! The more God and I talk about this though, I get the impression that this is only the beginning. The next three years is Yaks and school and then from there, who knows. I don't have any idea what it'll look like, but I do know that it will be exciting! God has given me a wide open door to love my school. So few people have opportunities like this! I truly am blessed.
Sometimes I feel like there isn't enough room inside of me to contain the excitement and emotion of it all. I have no idea what God will do, or what it will look like. I guess I never really know how wonderful it will be until I look backwards. I do know one thing though: I am finally beginning to understand freedom.

3 comments:

christianne said...

that's really beautiful, jessica. i'm so happy for you to be finding freedom.

Jessica said...

Isn't it great!!
He's such a good papa.

Anonymous said...

Hallelujah for freedom... it is one of the most powerful things we can embrace. I have often found that every year holds a theme of transformation between us and God. I too, am so thankful that His work in us is never finished... 'till the day we are Home.

I love you Jessica, I hope there comes a day soon when we can speak in person and I can hear about all these wonderful things that God is doing in transforming your life to His Son's likeness... maybe I'll share my transforming stories as well... I love you...