World Mandate '09

Well it's been about a week and I'm sure the couple of you who actually read this are wondering when I'm going to write something about World Mandate. This is what you've been waiting for:
First of all, it was incredible!! When we went I wasn't really thinking that God would do anything huge in me, but in the same light I expected him to do something. I think that he was very intentional in providing a way for me to go. It was an incredible blessing to get away for a few days.
Anyway, we left from Sacramento on Thursday and spent about 26 hours in various airports around the country... well, three. It was quite the adventure. We eventually met up with some friends in Dallas and all drove to Waco together. It was so nice to see our friends who planted a church in Santa Cruz a couple years ago. My best friend, Alana, was there and that was enough to make my whole weekend.
When we got to Waco we headed straight to the conference. The first session was good. The most amazing part was worship. The church that puts on this conference every year has the most incredible worship team I've ever heard. They are SO good! We learned a couple new songs and then listened to the speaker share an amazing story of how God brought him through a broken marriage and then to Lebanon as a missionary. It was crazy! Good stuff!!!
Saturday morning was amazing... but I was way too grumpy to enjoy it. Actually, I was really grumpy almost all of Saturday. I don't know what my problem was... I was being a jerk, and trying really hard not to. Natalie and I skipped one of the break out sessions and hung out at the little coffee shop on the edge of Baylor's campus. Then we went to one of the breakout sessions and then to dinner before the last session. At one point I was talking to Linda and Alana about how I really wanted to get prayer. Not that I felt I needed it for anything specific, but I had come all the way to Texas!! I figured I might as well take advantage of it. Well, I don't know which sessions they all happened, but there were a lot of things that hit me on Saturday. First was the idea that there are three perversions of truth that people frequently believe: "not me, not at this time and not this group of people." That really stuck with my. I realized as his speaker was talking about these perversions that I regularly believe all of those to be true. It's hard to believe that God wants to use me, and to believe that he's not waiting for me to be more mature or holy before he uses me. It's also hard to believe that he can use someone as incompetent as me to minister on a christian campus where everyone (almost everyone) already knows Jesus. I think this was the morning session so I had a lot of time to think about these three things throughout the day.
I realized some things about myself: I am easily confused and easily discouraged and I left California to go to Texas both confused about how God wanted to use me, and whether or not he even wanted to and discouraged that I had been at Simpson for a year and not had much opportunity to intentionally pursue intimate relationships with people.
I was frustrated! And my terrible mood was evidence of that.
So, the Saturday night session starts and I was SO on edge (and that is so unlike me!) Worship was good and the speaker was great. He said something that really struck me as interesting - "The truth is, you've got to be called to stay because the call to go has already been clearly made in the great commission." I'd never thought about that... I know for now I'm called to stay here. When I was coming back from China a couple Summers ago God told me I'd be staying in the states for a while... but that's a different story - So, the speaker told everyone that they are called somewhere and that without the empowerment of the Holy spirit we cannot truly bring the Kingdom to the places we go, so he called everyone who had a place in mind and wanted prayer to be anointed with the power of the Holy Spirit to come forward. Basically everyone went forward, including myself. Honestly it was pretty uneventful. I was disappointed that I didn't start speaking in tongues and prophesying over people, but that's not what God was doing. I sang for a little while down on the ground level and then went back to the stands where everyone else was, and who should be waiting but Alana and Linda. Linda asked if I went and got prayer. People had prayed for me, but it was fairly impersonal and general. I said that I had kinda been prayed for and then sat down... They totally saw through my cover-up.
Both Alana and Linda harassed me until I went up again, but this time they both offered to go. Linda had an old friend who was working at the conference so we tracked him down through the sea of people and she asked if he would pray for me. Esteven introduced himself and I was immediately at ease. He has this uber fatherly-ness that just leaks out of him all over the place and it was so comforting. He prayed for me and it was all dead on. I didn't say anything to him and he prayed against confusion and discouragement. He prayed that I would believe the things that God says and he prayed that I would be able to trust God with those little things (which is another difficult area for me... I'm pretty independent and I've been let down by people a lot so trusting God is really difficult sometimes.) Well, all I can say is that it was amazing.
The speaker that night had also talked briefly about Isaiah 43. It was the other thing that had caught my attention. Earlier in the night I write it down so I could go back to it. not knowing anything, Esteven prayed that I would know Isaiah 43 deep inside, and believe it. i re-read it later and it's perfect.

The whole weekend was perfect. It's hard to get back into the swing of homework and work but it was such a good weekend. There were a lot of good things to take away from everything we heard and saw. I was such a precious time with friends and such a great weekend to be reminded that not everyone in America is apathetic. I don't have to be apathetic to reach people in the states for Jesus.

There is still a lot to process, but the most tangible thing I felt I needed to continue to pursue, with fervency, is relationship with people. I know a lot of people, but I don't know very many of them intimately. I plan to spend this year developing intimate relationships with people. As a result I plan on being even more intentional about pursuing quality time with people I love and people I want to be better friends with.
My heart aches to see people draw closer to Jesus... He is so desperately IN LOVE with creation. I long so deeply to know how I can better convey that deep, longing kind of love that He has for His precious creation, for His bride. I want to love creation and love the Bride the way that he loves them. I want to ache over them, and cry over them. Mourn over losses and rejoice in even the smallest victories.
There is so much to work toward in this pursuit, but He is worth it and there is no greater joy than to serve Him by loving the people he made with thought and care.
I'm excited for this new year. I think it's going to be a good one.


Oh The Passion of Your Heart
Oh the passion of your heart, your abandoned pursuit of me
Oh the risks that you took to love someone like me
That risk has set my soul free
Your desire for me is overwhelming, it consumes your every thought
Oh the joy that you feel when our hearts touch! The joy of when we touch!
You desire to draw me so close to you, you desire to have me all to yourself
You tenderly call out my name, beckoning me to come nearer
You romance me with purity and sweet wine poured into a cup of communion
We dance and spin all around the universe
Your rage is aroused in my enemies, you defend me with arms full of strength
Your gentleness toward me is ever present, your care for me ever living
You're so eager to disclose all the secrets of your heart, to show yourself unrestrained, fully given to me
Your goodness is a placid stream, a blanket wrapped around me
Your faithfulness is the sure song of sunrise, and your promises are structures already formed
Ever deepening is the vastness of your great love, you allure me with soft array
Ever present is the pulse of your affections Your smile is gleaming with excitement to show me even more
- Enter the Worship Circle: Third Circle: Track 17