It seems like everyone is talking about it... or doing it...
It seems like everywhere I turn there's a blog, a book, a conversation or speculation about marriage... That's right: Marriage.
So, all of this marriage talk (and the fact that I know a dozen or more couples tying the knot this summer) has gotten me thinking...
When I was in high school and early college marriage was this big deal thing. Mostly because getting married meant one huge thing: Sex. A lot of people I knew were already having sex, so for them it was no big deal, but for the ones who waited it was a very big deal... To the point that that's where the wedding day ended. If you had asked me at 19 years old where a wedding day ends I would have said "the bedroom"
So, now I'm older and a lot of my friends are getting married. I'm so excited for all of them! But, all of this marriage and wedding stuff has made me start thinking again. I don't know when it was - Maybe a couple months ago - but I was thinking about weddings and I had this thought: What happens after the wedding night?
Now, before you think I'm a complete idiot, let me reassure you, I know what happens... The point, though, is that the "wedding night" had become so engrained as the pinnacle of marriage that It had never crossed my mind to think into the day after the wedding, let alone the month, or decade... SCARY STUFF!!!
So this is what I've been thinking - not about wedding ceremonies or the wedding night - I've been thinking about marriage.
As I began to think past the wedding night I also began to think about the struggles of life together - Learning together, submitting to one another - arguing - apologizing - Cooking dinner and doing laundry - raising children... (Seriously, this list could go on for pages.) I began to think of the qualities of a good husband: a protector and provider, a support and encourager, a man who is willing to lay down his life for the good of his wife and children, someone to help guide me and rebuke me if I need it... and most importantly, a man who is willing to give anything and everything for the sake of following Jesus and making the Gospel known to the nations...
At some point it dawned on me: Those are the things that God is for me already.
God is my protector, my provider and my supporting encourager. He is willing to lay down his life, in fact, he already has. He guides me and rebukes me and his greatest desire is that everyone would hear the Gospel. And to top it all off, He is wildly in love with me.
I wonder, what would my life look like if I focused less on a "wedding night" experience with God and more on a "marriage life" with Him...
Song of Songs 4: 6-16
The sweet, fragrant curves of your body, the soft, spiced contours of your flesh
Invite me, and I come. I stay until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.
You're beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.
Come with me from Lebanon, my bride.
Leave Lebanon behind, and come.
Leave your high mountain hideaway.
Abandon your wilderness seclusion, where you keep company with lions and panthers guard your safety.
You've captured my heart, dear friend.
You looked at me, and I fell in love.
One look my way and I was hopelessly in love!
How beautiful your love, dear, dear friend—
far more pleasing than a fine, rare wine, your fragrance more exotic than select spices.
The kisses of your lips are honey, my love, every syllable you speak a delicacy to savor.
Your clothes smell like the wild outdoors, the ozone scent of high mountains.
Dear lover and friend, you're a secret garden, a private and pure fountain.
Body and soul, you are paradise, a whole orchard of succulent fruits—
Ripe apricots and peaches, oranges and pears;
Nut trees and cinnamon, and all scented woods;
Mint and lavender, and all herbs aromatic;
A garden fountain, sparkling and splashing, fed by spring waters from the Lebanon mountains.
(The Woman)
Wake up, North Wind,
get moving, South Wind!
Breathe on my garden,
fill the air with spice fragrance.
Oh, let my lover enter his garden!
Yes, let him eat the fine, ripe fruits.
...How Beautiful.
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2 comments:
Good stuff Jessica,
Instead of the focus on 'intimacy' there is a more holistic perspective...
Wedding night = Sex
Marriage = A lifelong journey towards physical, emotional, social, financial, spiritual union; a union that will produce children; a union that will include life with neighbors, in-laws, careers, etc.
Intimacy with God that is an end in itself
versus
Intimacy with God that leads to communion, which leads to mission, which leads to other people joining in on the Kingdom, and launched into their destiny...
jessica, these are such beautiful thoughts and reach me poignantly as i prepare for marriage. the man you describe in your post:
a protector and provider, a support and encourager, a man who is willing to lay down his life for the good of his wife and children, someone to help guide me and rebuke me if I need it ...
is just the kind of man i've always prayed for. and for all the bridal magazines and wedding planning and details to consider up until the day, i have to say that my focus, my prayer, and my concern has been directed toward my life with james. do i care about my wedding? yes, but only so much. i care that it reflects who we are and that it glorify Christ. it seems all too easy to get distracted from that by the wedding planning process (and all the trappings that go with it in our culture) and by the wedding night, as you say.
as always, your writing here points to something far grander and greater and infinitely more important than either of those things: the life after the wedding, the marriage, the oneness in Christ a married couple (i hope) seeks to attain by the grace of God.
yes, i'm totally rambling. i will stop now. as always, you are lovely & gracious in your speech. happy wedding-attending!!
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