Becoming...

Psalm 139:13-18
"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb, Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous- and how well I know it, You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God! They are innumerable! I can't even count them: they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up in the morning, you are still with me!

So, I've been wrestling with the idea that Christ's followers are seen as not guilty. I believe that despite our sin, God knows who he created us to be and that he sees us without sin when we surrender to Jesus. But, I know that I'm not there yet. I have yet to actually achieve righteousness and I am constantly botching things up.

But God tells me that I'm perfect in His eyes...

And then I mess up again. The critical judgments that I make about people are brought to my attention (by God, no less). I have to fall on my face and repent of my wickedness and ask to be changed, and then I have to walk it out, day by day, recognizing judgmental thoughts and retraining myself. I feel anything but perfect.

But God tells me that I'm perfect in His eyes...

Then God shows me that not only am I critical of others, I'm also afraid of being judged. Yes, the roots always seem to run so much deeper. I am secure in who I am, but I still want people to like me, and I want to fit in. Then I doubt, and question myself. Maybe I'm not as secure as I thought... Would I ever leave Him?

But God tells me that I'm perfect in His eyes...

Reassurance settles in my bones and I breathe in deep breaths of relief. In an instant clarity comes and I know, again, that I am utterly adored. It doesn't matter who I am or what mistakes I make. My lover is enraptured by my beauty and I know that I am perfect in His eyes! The weight of it overwhelms me and still I know that I have not achieved this perfection.

I'm caught somewhere between the mortal world and the eternal world. I am, yet I still must become.